Self-loathing Thursday

I overslept and woke up realizing that it’s still the same day before I lost myself to unconsciousness. It was necessary though.

I should be relieved, shouldn’t I? I should be thankful because they said sleeping is another way of die. I should be thankful because God didn’t decide to take away my last breath today, at this particular time, while I am full of sins yet didn’t help myself being corrected. I used to address people bad regardless their deeds, but look at who’s speaking. You’re no better than them, Nyuns, and you know that. 😦

Sayonara, May: a month filled with day offs, a lot of anxiety and missteps, realizations, and apologies — to myself, to anyone, to Him who always gave me chance to make things better while I ignored it. I’m so sorry. I wish I could tell I shouldn’t have done that, but I did. I chose to cover my eyes and ears because I didn’t want to see nor listen, but it was there, I knew it, but I just walked away, as I always be. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Ma.

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